Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
im six kinds of drunk right now
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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