Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the day after is always just damage control
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
