is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
