I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
