in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
