I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
