Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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