just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
