remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
