just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
