i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
