why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
