Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
