Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
