addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
