i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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