you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
40s are totally the cure
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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