Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
