this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
