you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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