I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
