Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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