I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
