i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
