now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You need Xanax blowdarts
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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