My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize