Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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