Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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