Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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