He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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