My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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