how can u be prego again
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
