Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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