On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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