Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
