weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
