I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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