i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
