I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
