True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My feet surprised me
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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