Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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