Nicole vs. Life
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
