i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
