Swine flu. Run for my life!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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