Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
