I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
