I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
