it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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