Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Come see our sink grown plant.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
