I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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