she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
