I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you win again, gameday.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
