I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
