i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We got so high we made milksteak
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
