I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Randomize
