that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
