Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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