I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize