True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
