I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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