Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize