please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
