I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
