You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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