I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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