You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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