he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
