All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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