I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
