guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
