She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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